This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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