I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
