so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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