i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize