His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
