There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
