Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
