Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
