Acid is not a monday night drug
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
