Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
