saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize