I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
