It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I party with great urgency now.
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