i wish peter jackson would direct porn
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
