I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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