He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
