My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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