i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
