I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
