Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
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Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
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I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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