What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
