she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
