If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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