This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
