Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
