Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
