Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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