I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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