I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
