Whod you bang
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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