Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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