just come out here and I will go home with you...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
