dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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