Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
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