Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who died my cat blue again?
These tits shall not be calmed
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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