I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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