the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
