How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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