She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
