i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
