The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
