she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
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He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
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Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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