A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
