If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
