For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
