I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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