it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
