Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
