when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
