I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
