I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
