Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I could make wine with my vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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