Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
