My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
