I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
