just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
