hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
