So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
