Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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