Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
