I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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