The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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