Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
