Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
