She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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