I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
one might say we're banned from that church
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
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just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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