I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
