The maid of honor just puked.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
