the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
