Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
