i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
