Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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