What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
