it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
