I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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