Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
